10th October 2008
I get an offer from KP Tan. I need to go KL for 3 months time. I have many questions and problem come to me from the day I receive the offer. I thought there have no problem for me to overcome my problem but in the end I found that I was wrong.
My friends and family keep ask me to stay at here and don’t go to KL and stay alone there. This is because they Bu Se De I go.
From the day they question me, I keep asking myself whether I really want to go or not. In the end I found that I hope to go and I wish to try the life there.
Once I get the offer, I was so happy and I call up Sa Lao to share with him my happiness. When the moment I hug him, I feel very happy and sad for no reason. I think maybe I Bu Se De him as well since this few months, he are everyday beside me.
I have asked him for several times whether he wants me to go or not. He told me no matter what my decision be, he will support me and he will never change no matter where I gone. When I heard that, I really feel happy and feel free and easy to leave.
He told me that he really doesn’t want me to go. He told me once he heard I said I am going to KL, he feel upset instead of happy. Because of my future and it is what I want, he told me he will support me with no reason. He said he not going to be selfish just want me to stay beside him and stop me from doing my career.
He knows that is my dream and my wish. He also told me that he will travel to KL when I was there. I know he just try to comfort me. I know...
He can sacrifice his life for me, why I can’t sacrifice my future because of him?
I was really considering the matter for several days due to this matter. And today...I found the answer for myself.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Exam lor~
5th October 2008
Oh My Dear GOD! Later my exam going to hold at CITS Lab 1 and I am now very tire to study all the note, formula, section and etc. I am really tire with those genius section but what to do? I can only send message to some of friends to support them mentally as to support myself as well.
Look at the Sa Lao sit beside me watching movie, I feel worry cause he always because of me then make himself tire but he never say. I don’t want become his burden instead of happiness. I know him for so many seasons, I not dare to say I understand him very well but at least I know what his thinking. We know each other thought as well. Just don’t want he suffer because of me this little girl.
Almost dawn…look at his tire face, I really have no idea to ask him back although I really hope he can stay beside me. I ask him back to rest but he seem can read my mind and ask me not to worry about him. In the end, I chase him go to have a good sleep and he followed at last. I knew; I knew he was very tire at that moment.
After a moment, is my turn feel tire and it almost time for me to exam, I went to bed have a short rest to refresh my mind. He was just next to me to rest. Look at his tire and sweetie face, I am really feel heart pain and sorry to him. This is because he always put me at the first place and suffers himself. Just want him to have a good rest.
Oh My Dear GOD! Later my exam going to hold at CITS Lab 1 and I am now very tire to study all the note, formula, section and etc. I am really tire with those genius section but what to do? I can only send message to some of friends to support them mentally as to support myself as well.
Look at the Sa Lao sit beside me watching movie, I feel worry cause he always because of me then make himself tire but he never say. I don’t want become his burden instead of happiness. I know him for so many seasons, I not dare to say I understand him very well but at least I know what his thinking. We know each other thought as well. Just don’t want he suffer because of me this little girl.
Almost dawn…look at his tire face, I really have no idea to ask him back although I really hope he can stay beside me. I ask him back to rest but he seem can read my mind and ask me not to worry about him. In the end, I chase him go to have a good sleep and he followed at last. I knew; I knew he was very tire at that moment.
After a moment, is my turn feel tire and it almost time for me to exam, I went to bed have a short rest to refresh my mind. He was just next to me to rest. Look at his tire and sweetie face, I am really feel heart pain and sorry to him. This is because he always put me at the first place and suffers himself. Just want him to have a good rest.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Not tire?
4th October 2008
Today is the 3rd day this Sa Lao stay beside me. I don’t know since when I feel free to see him every morning when I am awake. No, I think I should say once I open my eye. He is just next to me. Where got people like that? Always no need to sleep but still full with energy…I am curious and worry as well. I am curios about how come he was so powerful and energetic. I am worry he will not have enough sleep and rest to do his work.
After a break, we were having our dinner just next to my house. After the meal, he sends me back to home and he just leave. I feel fresh when he was with me. I feel happy and comfortable when he is there for me. I don’t know how his feel. Hope I won’t always a trouble for him ya.
Today is the 3rd day this Sa Lao stay beside me. I don’t know since when I feel free to see him every morning when I am awake. No, I think I should say once I open my eye. He is just next to me. Where got people like that? Always no need to sleep but still full with energy…I am curious and worry as well. I am curios about how come he was so powerful and energetic. I am worry he will not have enough sleep and rest to do his work.
After a break, we were having our dinner just next to my house. After the meal, he sends me back to home and he just leave. I feel fresh when he was with me. I feel happy and comfortable when he is there for me. I don’t know how his feel. Hope I won’t always a trouble for him ya.
Rainy day
3rd October 2008
This is the 2nd day this Sa Lao stay with me, and tonight, he fall a sleep with my little Sin Chan. Looking at his funny sleeping look, I feel so funny and cute when I look at him but he never notice of it.
Again, the night was dark and cold; he stays beside me and watching some movie and TV show. Then I continue with my study with him beside. After awhile, he also fall a sleep and I look at him, I know he really tire but he never say any single word in front of me when I was asking him.
Around 4am++ he fall asleep and outside was raining. It was a raining cat and dog. I feel that it is quiet cold to stay at the living room. Look at the silly Sa Lao sleep at my sofa; I took out a blanket to cover on his body but too bad, while me covering, I awake him. I am so sorry to disturb his sleep.
Again, he says nothing and continues his sleep. Before he sleep, he keep ask me to take a rest. I just answer and say I will. After a moment, I fall asleep as well and when I awake, I found that the blanket I cover on his body become on my body. I know he don’t want I get cold.
Until morning 6am+… he was very tire by not having a good sleep for whole night. After send him back, I feel so sorry always make him tire. Just hope that, he can have more rest, don’t always busy because of me…
This is the 2nd day this Sa Lao stay with me, and tonight, he fall a sleep with my little Sin Chan. Looking at his funny sleeping look, I feel so funny and cute when I look at him but he never notice of it.
Again, the night was dark and cold; he stays beside me and watching some movie and TV show. Then I continue with my study with him beside. After awhile, he also fall a sleep and I look at him, I know he really tire but he never say any single word in front of me when I was asking him.
Around 4am++ he fall asleep and outside was raining. It was a raining cat and dog. I feel that it is quiet cold to stay at the living room. Look at the silly Sa Lao sleep at my sofa; I took out a blanket to cover on his body but too bad, while me covering, I awake him. I am so sorry to disturb his sleep.
Again, he says nothing and continues his sleep. Before he sleep, he keep ask me to take a rest. I just answer and say I will. After a moment, I fall asleep as well and when I awake, I found that the blanket I cover on his body become on my body. I know he don’t want I get cold.
Until morning 6am+… he was very tire by not having a good sleep for whole night. After send him back, I feel so sorry always make him tire. Just hope that, he can have more rest, don’t always busy because of me…
Our talk
2nd October 2008
This is the 1st day Sa Lao stay with me for the rest of the whole night after our supper. I feel very happy and won’t feel tire when he was there with me to study for the whole night until the next day morning. I worry he will tire and I ask him back earlier but he refuse to do so and he say want to stay with me for the whole night.
I know my parent not around, he scare I alone at home with my grandpa and he want to accompany me that is why he scarified his sleep to stay beside me. I am really felt touching. The night, we chat a lot and he also falls asleep for a little while. Look at his sleepy loot, I know he is very tire but because of me, he force himself to stay with me without any blame. I feel so sorry when I saw him always tire and busy because of me.
I started ask myself: why I always give him trouble and problem. Every time I say sorry to him, he will always say: is not because of you. 5 years ago, he already gives me such answer. Until today, he still gives me the same answer. I know no matter what I did, he will forget and forgive.
He will always spoil me.
This is the 1st day Sa Lao stay with me for the rest of the whole night after our supper. I feel very happy and won’t feel tire when he was there with me to study for the whole night until the next day morning. I worry he will tire and I ask him back earlier but he refuse to do so and he say want to stay with me for the whole night.
I know my parent not around, he scare I alone at home with my grandpa and he want to accompany me that is why he scarified his sleep to stay beside me. I am really felt touching. The night, we chat a lot and he also falls asleep for a little while. Look at his sleepy loot, I know he is very tire but because of me, he force himself to stay with me without any blame. I feel so sorry when I saw him always tire and busy because of me.
I started ask myself: why I always give him trouble and problem. Every time I say sorry to him, he will always say: is not because of you. 5 years ago, he already gives me such answer. Until today, he still gives me the same answer. I know no matter what I did, he will forget and forgive.
He will always spoil me.
Selamat Hari Raya
1st October 2008
Selamat Hari Raya to my entire friend. Today is a public holiday for Malay and non-Malay. We was so happy to celebrate the Hari Raya with others races in this special day. Life will always full with color when you have a holiday for you to rest.
When everyone was happy with the holiday, I feel a bit upset this is because my exam is just around the corner and I found that there has empty information in my mind. Oh My God! I am looking for some method to help me increase my ability to study.
When I want to study my note, I found that some of my note was not printed yet. How am I going to study? I ask myself this question. In the end, I decide to go to my shop and download my note.
Sa Lao say can’t go to shop alone since there have no people with me. Then he come and fetch me and bring me go to my shop stay with me when I doing my work. I like the feeling he is with me beside to accompany me. I feel enjoy to do my work so that I won’t feel lonely and empty.
He always like that, he say he don’t want anything happen to me. No matter what I do, he sure want to beside me or know about it just to make sure I am safe and well. I always appreciate that I have him to beside me.
Selamat Hari Raya to my entire friend. Today is a public holiday for Malay and non-Malay. We was so happy to celebrate the Hari Raya with others races in this special day. Life will always full with color when you have a holiday for you to rest.
When everyone was happy with the holiday, I feel a bit upset this is because my exam is just around the corner and I found that there has empty information in my mind. Oh My God! I am looking for some method to help me increase my ability to study.
When I want to study my note, I found that some of my note was not printed yet. How am I going to study? I ask myself this question. In the end, I decide to go to my shop and download my note.
Sa Lao say can’t go to shop alone since there have no people with me. Then he come and fetch me and bring me go to my shop stay with me when I doing my work. I like the feeling he is with me beside to accompany me. I feel enjoy to do my work so that I won’t feel lonely and empty.
He always like that, he say he don’t want anything happen to me. No matter what I do, he sure want to beside me or know about it just to make sure I am safe and well. I always appreciate that I have him to beside me.
No trip for me
30th September 2008
Today, early in the morning, I already wake up and have a breakfast with my parent before them going to their holiday at Vietnam. After sent them to station, I lie back to bed and continue my dream. My naughty mummy and naughty aunty keep calling me for no reason and purposely talk some naughty thing to make me sad. This is because I having my exam that is why I fail to join the trip to Vietnam. My naughty parent and aunty keep laugh at me by keep calling me. Bad!!!
Night time, I was alone at home with grandpa, the feeling of lonely come so near to me and make me sad for no reason. I really feel empty when you found that there have only you, yourself alone.
At night time, Sa Lao call me and bring me go out for travel and supper. I feel happy because there have some activity for me to fulfill my loneliness.
Our 1st trip to Muar
29th September 2008
Why I always feel bore? Haha…today I feel so Sian and no mood for study. The Sa Lao come to me and say want to bring me go out walk around to refresh my mind. I found that we have no place to go but in the end, I still follow him go out.
Suddenly walk till a place, he say why not we go travel around. I was wonder where to go that time, he come out an idea say want to bring me go Muar.
Oh my god! I was so happy to hear that this is because I love to travel so much and I love to sit beside him when he was driving. I enjoy myself when I was with him.
Did you know where we go at Muar? We just round at the Muar town and his company building. After round for an hour, we back to our hometown.
Some other people might feel that we very lebih by having such useless activity, I don’t know what did he think. For me, I really enjoy myself during the whole trip.
I enjoy myself. So, I will never care what did people say and think because it is not important for me anymore when I was with Sa Lao doing some crazy and full with surprise’s journey.
Why I always feel bore? Haha…today I feel so Sian and no mood for study. The Sa Lao come to me and say want to bring me go out walk around to refresh my mind. I found that we have no place to go but in the end, I still follow him go out.
Suddenly walk till a place, he say why not we go travel around. I was wonder where to go that time, he come out an idea say want to bring me go Muar.
Oh my god! I was so happy to hear that this is because I love to travel so much and I love to sit beside him when he was driving. I enjoy myself when I was with him.
Did you know where we go at Muar? We just round at the Muar town and his company building. After round for an hour, we back to our hometown.
Some other people might feel that we very lebih by having such useless activity, I don’t know what did he think. For me, I really enjoy myself during the whole trip.
I enjoy myself. So, I will never care what did people say and think because it is not important for me anymore when I was with Sa Lao doing some crazy and full with surprise’s journey.
Courage
27th September 2008
Saturday is a super bore day for me. This is because when I have no place to go. At night, I feel very bore to sit at home. I want to go out and seek for some fresh air but in the end I choose not to do so. This is because when you walk alone and you will realize there have many couple surrounding you. I dislike the feeling which cause me feel empty. I will always choose not to go out during weekend, although I am really wish can go at weekend…
After think for few days, I found that I need to have some decision which can help to reduce my burden and feeling. The feeling was so strong to come over me and make me feel suffer and lost my way. Maybe I shouldn’t be so emotional or so weak to seek for the protection from anyone.
In the end, I can’t control myself and my courage tells me I need to do something to avoid some tragedy. It is not only for me but for others as well. I take out my 100% courage to share the feeling with Sa Lao and this is the first time I share with a person with 0% hidden meaning. I become 100% transparence to him.
In the end, I tell Sa Lao about my thinking and thought, his reaction was surprise me. After we chat for the whole night, I just realize that we have actually let go something that both of us didn’t notices. It is call as fate? I don’t know. Maybe it is yes and maybe it is no. I really hope to have an answer to fill my question.
After the whole night chat, he said he will go toward to what he wants. He will now start to fight with what he really wishes to have and he knows his target very clear.
Thanks you my dear, I always support and trust on him just like how he support and trust on me.
Saturday is a super bore day for me. This is because when I have no place to go. At night, I feel very bore to sit at home. I want to go out and seek for some fresh air but in the end I choose not to do so. This is because when you walk alone and you will realize there have many couple surrounding you. I dislike the feeling which cause me feel empty. I will always choose not to go out during weekend, although I am really wish can go at weekend…
After think for few days, I found that I need to have some decision which can help to reduce my burden and feeling. The feeling was so strong to come over me and make me feel suffer and lost my way. Maybe I shouldn’t be so emotional or so weak to seek for the protection from anyone.
In the end, I can’t control myself and my courage tells me I need to do something to avoid some tragedy. It is not only for me but for others as well. I take out my 100% courage to share the feeling with Sa Lao and this is the first time I share with a person with 0% hidden meaning. I become 100% transparence to him.
In the end, I tell Sa Lao about my thinking and thought, his reaction was surprise me. After we chat for the whole night, I just realize that we have actually let go something that both of us didn’t notices. It is call as fate? I don’t know. Maybe it is yes and maybe it is no. I really hope to have an answer to fill my question.
After the whole night chat, he said he will go toward to what he wants. He will now start to fight with what he really wishes to have and he knows his target very clear.
Thanks you my dear, I always support and trust on him just like how he support and trust on me.
Bore~
26th September 2008
It’s already Friday; look at my note and my tax book. I really feel so bad to study of it. Never mind, I can always skip from it.
During the study period, I feel so bore to study, at the meanwhile, Sa Lao coming… hehe…again.
We take our supper at outside after his work. We always like to lepak at outside and he will bring me go here and there to walk around. He knows I like to sit in car to round the place; he will always bring me go here and there just want to see my smiling face.
I am glad to have him always beside.
It’s already Friday; look at my note and my tax book. I really feel so bad to study of it. Never mind, I can always skip from it.
During the study period, I feel so bore to study, at the meanwhile, Sa Lao coming… hehe…again.
We take our supper at outside after his work. We always like to lepak at outside and he will bring me go here and there to walk around. He knows I like to sit in car to round the place; he will always bring me go here and there just want to see my smiling face.
I am glad to have him always beside.
My little gift.
25th September 2008
Afternoon, Sa Lao come and visit me, we chit chat a lot and he come and teach me how to fold the frog for my little student. This is because I have promise my little student will give him a frog but my naughty brother never help me to fold the frog and make me always go to work with my empty hand.
Luckily I have this Sa Lao always help me to settle my problem and always help me to complete my task, wish and dream. He goto online search and find out the step to fold a frog for me.
He brings a frog which it already folded with a nice green color paper and he asks me not to give anyone. This is because that is the only and the first frog he folded for me. The frog looks very nice and very cute. Even he didn’t say so; I will also not going to give anyone due to the reason that he gives it to me.
I love the frog very much. Thanks you my Sa Lao.
Afternoon, Sa Lao come and visit me, we chit chat a lot and he come and teach me how to fold the frog for my little student. This is because I have promise my little student will give him a frog but my naughty brother never help me to fold the frog and make me always go to work with my empty hand.
Luckily I have this Sa Lao always help me to settle my problem and always help me to complete my task, wish and dream. He goto online search and find out the step to fold a frog for me.
He brings a frog which it already folded with a nice green color paper and he asks me not to give anyone. This is because that is the only and the first frog he folded for me. The frog looks very nice and very cute. Even he didn’t say so; I will also not going to give anyone due to the reason that he gives it to me.
I love the frog very much. Thanks you my Sa Lao.
Our belonging~
24th September 2008
Today is Wednesday; every Wednesday Sa Lao sure will go shopping or lepak with me. We like to go here and there for no reason. By the way, most of our place is: MP, DP, JJ and Melaka Mall. Ya! It is all of the market at Melaka. We really crazy to shop till like that. Or maybe I could say: we have no place to go for trip. That is why we always go here and there.
Just now with him at JJ shopping, I saw the Kenji bracelet. The bracelet it is very nice and it is a white gold bracelet. I feel like it so much and feel like want to buy it but in the end I didn’t buy it. About the price…I didn’t know. But I have a very strong feeling that: this bracelet will be very costly. So, I just have a look with Sa Lao and we leave the place and continue our shopping.
Sa Lao said his cup have broken for no reason…this silly guy, like that also can…then we go to buy a blue color cup at JJ. After choose and choose, we found a pair of a nice cup as our cup. We bought 2 cups. 1 is for him and 1 is for me. He said we have to use the same cup so he chooses another 1 for me.
After the shop, it already night time…we start to wonder what dinner we should take. In the end, he bring me go to eat SiHam beside the Madam King. It is my lovely food which I hope to take for long time. He will always give me the best that he have and try to fulfill what I want.
The meal always makes me feel happy and satisfied my needs. After the delicious meal, he bring me walk along the Melaka river side to disgust our food. At the wheel, we took a lot of photo and we joke a lot. I feel so happy and comfortable when he was with me.
Tonight, I really feel happy…
and...
Tonight, we are holding the same cup at different place to have a hot drink. I feel so warm an so happy.
Today is Wednesday; every Wednesday Sa Lao sure will go shopping or lepak with me. We like to go here and there for no reason. By the way, most of our place is: MP, DP, JJ and Melaka Mall. Ya! It is all of the market at Melaka. We really crazy to shop till like that. Or maybe I could say: we have no place to go for trip. That is why we always go here and there.
Just now with him at JJ shopping, I saw the Kenji bracelet. The bracelet it is very nice and it is a white gold bracelet. I feel like it so much and feel like want to buy it but in the end I didn’t buy it. About the price…I didn’t know. But I have a very strong feeling that: this bracelet will be very costly. So, I just have a look with Sa Lao and we leave the place and continue our shopping.
Sa Lao said his cup have broken for no reason…this silly guy, like that also can…then we go to buy a blue color cup at JJ. After choose and choose, we found a pair of a nice cup as our cup. We bought 2 cups. 1 is for him and 1 is for me. He said we have to use the same cup so he chooses another 1 for me.
After the shop, it already night time…we start to wonder what dinner we should take. In the end, he bring me go to eat SiHam beside the Madam King. It is my lovely food which I hope to take for long time. He will always give me the best that he have and try to fulfill what I want.
The meal always makes me feel happy and satisfied my needs. After the delicious meal, he bring me walk along the Melaka river side to disgust our food. At the wheel, we took a lot of photo and we joke a lot. I feel so happy and comfortable when he was with me.
Tonight, I really feel happy…
and...
Tonight, we are holding the same cup at different place to have a hot drink. I feel so warm an so happy.
our meal
23rd September 2008
Today feel so tire to have my work. After work, I have a date with YK this is because today is his birthday. He said want to treat me a meal and celebrate with his friends as well but in the end I didn’t attend and I have a supper with Sa Lao.
This few days, we keep take Hi Kiao Mee. Haha…he have influence me by eating it. Last time, I not really like to take the mee, but this few days, I realize I kept took with Sa Lao and I never feel fed up or dislike the food. Just feel the food really nice to eat…
I don’t know why…
Today feel so tire to have my work. After work, I have a date with YK this is because today is his birthday. He said want to treat me a meal and celebrate with his friends as well but in the end I didn’t attend and I have a supper with Sa Lao.
This few days, we keep take Hi Kiao Mee. Haha…he have influence me by eating it. Last time, I not really like to take the mee, but this few days, I realize I kept took with Sa Lao and I never feel fed up or dislike the food. Just feel the food really nice to eat…
I don’t know why…
I just an answer~
22nd September 2008
I didn’t know that what people will think of it. What did people will say about that? Maybe it is the true feeling come from my heart and mind. I know that we have always created a new lifestyle and make each other feel…feel comfort.
I don’t know why when every time when he is not with me, I really feel that I lost my sense of security. I lost the sense of protect. I lost everything…even my way and myself. Is this because of him? I didn’t know and I also don’t want to know.
Just want everything become simple and nice. Was that so difficult? I really need an answer to support my thinking…
I didn’t know that what people will think of it. What did people will say about that? Maybe it is the true feeling come from my heart and mind. I know that we have always created a new lifestyle and make each other feel…feel comfort.
I don’t know why when every time when he is not with me, I really feel that I lost my sense of security. I lost the sense of protect. I lost everything…even my way and myself. Is this because of him? I didn’t know and I also don’t want to know.
Just want everything become simple and nice. Was that so difficult? I really need an answer to support my thinking…
Izzit too late?
21st September 2008
I don’t know since when I have the very strong feeling that I can’t lost him. The feeling always make me feel empty since he is now not mine. Maybe is my problem to think too much on it. Maybe is just one party love instead of 2 parties. Maybe, he will never love me and he might never know that I already have the feeling that I can’t lost him.
Don’t know since when, I already feel easy to have him. Without him beside, I feel that I am really lost and empty. People say: this call love. I start to question myself whether the feeling of this is really a love or just a temporary feeling that make me feel that I have been fall into it.
After day by day, I feel that I really can’t lose him and he already walk into my life and become part of it. Too bad! I feel that I really want him to be with me. Due to some matters and problem between us, I knew that, it is too late and it is not the time for me to have the thinking as this…
I feel very upset…
I don’t know since when I have the very strong feeling that I can’t lost him. The feeling always make me feel empty since he is now not mine. Maybe is my problem to think too much on it. Maybe is just one party love instead of 2 parties. Maybe, he will never love me and he might never know that I already have the feeling that I can’t lost him.
Don’t know since when, I already feel easy to have him. Without him beside, I feel that I am really lost and empty. People say: this call love. I start to question myself whether the feeling of this is really a love or just a temporary feeling that make me feel that I have been fall into it.
After day by day, I feel that I really can’t lose him and he already walk into my life and become part of it. Too bad! I feel that I really want him to be with me. Due to some matters and problem between us, I knew that, it is too late and it is not the time for me to have the thinking as this…
I feel very upset…
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