忽变的生活

11月19日 雨天

最不喜欢last minute被轰上一堆的垃圾，偏偏在这个时候所有的琐碎、大大小小的事都一起来。我没有什么特别的毅力来应付那些无谓的事，但无谓的人确实特别的多。

应付考试已经有点吃力了。我既不是第一天考试，但身边的人给我施与的压力却那么的让我吃不消。有时候不知道自己是为了别人而作还是为了自己而作。但我却秉持着不让身边的人失望的当儿，还可以取悦他们，那对我而言绝对是最幸福的事。

原本想在假日里到处旅游，可是看来这个计划必须无限期的耽搁着,因为没有伴一起去旅游。或许真的习惯了忙忙碌碌的生活，忽然停下脚步，倒觉得自己有点退步的感觉。所以才会想说要到处旅游，见见不同的人，体验不同的物，经历不一样的事。

朋友说，女人嘛，干吗那么厉害，那么独立？找个可靠的男人不就是最好的事了吗？那已经不是最好的事业了吗？我想说朋友啊，我到现在都不知道自己的所谓的那个男人是不是真的可以依靠，是不是真的可以付托终生。也许是因为看得太多负面的事了，那安全感已经完完全全被剥夺了。KY说，你怎么对待你的另一半，以后结婚后，你的另一半就会怎么对待你。怎么听起来怪怪的。。。还有一种恐怖到。。。。。不知道会不会发生家变的事。。。真是的。。。他是典型的超级开放男人，却对着自己的女人当儿依然超级自私。哈哈，感情的事，是绝对不能大方的。这点我倒很清楚也绝对的认同！

不过事到如今，还是得靠自己，你怎么知道哪天你的男人突变的时候，那既不是措手无策吗？这绝对是我缺乏安全感的想法，或许要找到一个真正能让我有安全感的男人时，我才能完全的改变那种想法。。。

Half death

08 August 2012

After work, feel so tire and sleepy yet I am still stay awake. I smell the medicines that make me vomit. Honestly, I really hate the taste… mummy told me when I was a baby, I am steady in taking medicine. I don’t know from when I hate the smell and I hate the taste too. Until my dear is with me…

When I was sick, my dear will take care of me and stay awake to look after me. When I am sleeping, he will beside me and prepared my meal and also my medicines. I am so grateful that he is with me. At that moment, I have a silly thought, I hope I will never recover from my sick so that he can always take care of me. I just want to be his little one. His little girl and forever be with him…

Life is so funny. God always like to take turn and fool us around. In the end, I need to overcome all of it by myself. Even though I am sick, I still dare not to rest… rest in physical, rest in mental, rest in mind…

It is really difficult to me, sometime people might forget that I am just a little one, I am not a man…  I am so weak… I need a person who always remembers that I am just a little one… I am so weak and I am still a little girl…

I wish next time when I getting sick, once I open my eyes, there is someone who is sitting beside me and looking after me… that is not my family, that is you…

Sick day

07 August 2012

Been long time didn't update my blog; there have nothing to share since I have the super busy life now.

If not because of the sick, I might still have my busy life in the office. Been so many days, I am still the same; sick alone make me think of a lot of thing that cause my condition become worst. Lying on the bed not even have energy to wake up… today super weak that is why I been slept for the whole day and I am able to recover some of my energy.

The first thing I wake up from the sleep is cry.

Cry as hard as I can.

Cry as much as I can.

Cry as silent as I can.

Cry as sad as I can…

Cry as possible as I can.

I am forgotten about the pain of gastric… even I feel so weak now and I am struggling… the pain in the heart… indescribable.

I am really looking for the one who are able to comfort me… I always dreaming of if I am able to encounter somebody at a corner, a place or a street and he will come to me and hold me tightly and say to me: I will never let you go…

I need a holiday badly... if you are able to appear there, I will see you there…