9th November 2008
I was wonder why I will face this problem and because of this problem, I really suffer a lot from it. I don’t think it is bad or give any effect for the rest of the time, but why must take it so serious and come out a lot of the pressure to press me down.
Today, I am really upset, after chat with Kuan, I feel a bit okay and after that Sa Lao call me up…I cry for the whole…on that time, I really wish there have someone beside to give me a hug and sense of security…at least I have a place to rely…
Whole day I sit at home and lock myself into my bedroom, no communicate with anyone…night time, I found that I am really and I need to find a place to release my tension, in the end, I choose to go out and swim the whole Melaka.
I was out for 3 hours and non-stop to travel here and there, I even drive to Durian Tunggal, Half of Muar and Mahcap, Pulau Gadong, Sungai Udang, Pantai Kundur, Kurbong, Cheng Ayeh Keroh, Au Yun Hill and etc. until 12am++ I just finish my journey and turn back to home. Kuan ask me why not I find the Panda Bear to accompany me…
I told him that don’t want kacau him but the truth is: I really scare that I fail to get the Bear and in the end, I will feel more empty and sad… Kuan is coming back next week… and he said will only discuss with me on that time. Thanks to him although he at that hundred km far from me, but he will always there for me, my psychology consultant.
I have found out that, there have no one for me to rely and to protect me…I am really lose and lost…and I found out that, I am really useless and not important to anyone…
It’s been a rainy afternoon, now I starring at the moon, thinking, we get too serious too soon…
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